Halfway through my year of "needs only" shopping......and some confessions

OK, so I started my "needs only" shopping thing on Dec 1, 2018. Yesterday was June 1, 2019. So that is the 6 month mark. Huh. It doesn't feel like that long. It has been interesting for sure, but I don't think about it that much anymore. If I do actually sit and think about it, I feel like, maybe I am not learning as many lessons as I could or should. Like, the first couple months it was so novel and whatnot, and I had all these epiphanies because I totally and completely altered my habits. Now, it is just sort of, going along. Ok, as the title indicated, I do have to come clean on a couple of things. I do want this to be a place of accountability, and I have not been 100% "needs only" for the last 6 months. I have not purchased any clothing (Ok I ordered a blouse to replace one that got ripped, but I hated the fit, so I returned it and haven't bought another. I used to wear it a ton at work, but I have plenty of others so I am fine), purses/bags, shoes, jewelry or makeup (except to replace things I ran out of). But I did buy some things that aren't really dire "needs". You guys, I was making a bunch of batches of cookies and using my old hand mixer and it stopped working. So I bought a KitchenAid mixer. I have been considering getting one for many years but never thought I needed it. I have been baking and cooking a ton more lately, so I felt it was actually a reasonable purchase, and since my hand mixer wasn't getting it done, I felt justified. My sister gave me the green light on that purchase as well. I think. Pretty sure I didn't make that up in my head..... Anywho, so there was that. And then, recently, I was on a killer solo road trip up the coast of California and I had a blast. But, something about travel brings out the spender in me. So when I was in San Francisco, I saw a beautiful hand crafted wood hairbrush....and I bought it. I have used it daily and love it, and I threw out two other brushes that it replaced (Ok, they aren't actually thrown out, they are in my holding pen, the place where I keep things that I am considering giving away. If I don't notice, think about them or want to use them for a few weeks or months, I sell them or give them away). And, I collect patches from places I go (I just finished putting all the ones from the past 20 years on a board with a quote, I really dig how it turned out!), so I bought a patch at Muir Woods and a Christmas ornament. So there you go. I've not been perfect. Aaaand, if I am being honest, I have bought a couple of things for Fitz (crate for my sister's house, fabric water bowl for hiking-so great!-used my REI dividend for that anyway) that I am not too bent out of shape about because they make my life a lot easier, are very useful, and I didn't really set any strict rules about him and things that might come up for him.

I suppose that one of the things I have noticed is that it is still possible to spend a lot of money even if you aren't buying "things", especially if you aren't paying much attention to it. I did start putting my money in other places that give me MUCH more value than a new purse or shirt (hiring a housekeeper and doing some sessions with a dating coach) so that has been wonderful. But I think I also started going out to eat more and spending more money on more expensive groceries. I think I got into a mindset of "I am not shopping, so I don't have to worry about budgeting/I can buy whatever type of food I want". But no, that spending adds up quickly, just like the other "shopping" does. So, for the next six months, I want to focus on funneling my money to places where it will do the most good. I am not changing my shopping rules, but I am going to make and stick to a budget (I know, seems ridiculous that I didn't before, but I didn't think I would need to with all the money I would be saving from not "shopping"). I am still in the process of really thinking and deciding what I want priorities to be for money that I save. But I don't have to decide that now. So that's the update.

My year of no shopping....so far

Weeellll hello there! When we last left our heroine, she was buying a house and dating. (I am talking about me.....I'm the heroine here. Remember how they used to use that phrase in the show Rocky and Bullwinkle? or maybe some other show? I don't know, I've heard it somewhere. Anywho, that's what I was doing in the intro there.) So now, here we are, about six years since my last post. Oh, FYI, I have decided to start using punctuation and capitalization in my blog. Ok, I will feel it out on this post and then make a decision about that. So, I am still in my house (I still love it!) and I am still dating (More on that later. And by "later" I mean maybe not ever. Or maybe next post. We'll see). But that is not our topic today, my dear friends. No, no. TODAY, we talk about shopping. Or rather the lack thereof.

So, several months ago, I happened upon a video on YouTube from a woman who was explaining why she had stopped shopping. Now, I have spent the last couple of years decluttering, editing down my possessions, reading minimalist blogs and kind of half heartedly "trying" to be a minimalist. I really wanted it. I wanted my life to be simple and unfettered by material things. I wanted to feel more content with what I had. But the part of me that wanted that was constantly battling with the shopper in me. People, I have enjoyed shopping.... a lot.....for a long time. I mean, I am a single, professional woman who has had a solid career for about 14 years. I like nice things. I have enough expendable income to buy things and not go hungry. I realize this is an incredible blessing and I am grateful. But, over the past few years, I noticed that I had been spending more and more money on clothes, purses, shoes, makeup, jewelry. I certainly used shopping as a tool to cope with feelings. I had developed patterns and habits that I was not really proud of and that did nothing to help me become the kind of person I wanted to become. And it wasn't just the shopping and the money I spent, it was the time. The time and the mental energy that I spent searching out things I wanted to buy, thinking about how I would use them, how cute they would be, etc. I felt that I was caught in this consumerism vortex and could not get out. That video had an article linked to it, one that the YouTuber had read and been inspired by. I read the article and I decided I was done with the crap. I had read many articles and seen many videos of similar themes before. I am not quite sure why it was these ones at this time that made me decide I had had enough and that I could change. But they did.

So, I won't go into too much detail (yeah, right. When have I ever held to that promise?), but I decided that I would do a year of "needs only" spending. So, maybe the title "year of no shopping" seems not true. But for me it is, because "shopping" is a pretty specific thing to me. And I know what I mean by it. What this year means for me, is that I will only buy needs. Now, I did follow the advice of the author of the article and write out a "Needs" and a "Wants" list. So starting on December 1st of 2018, I have only been buying things off the "Needs" list.  The author of the article was pretty extreme because she was trying to pay off debt. That is not my goal, so our needs lists and approach to this whole thing look very different. My goal was more about reshaping my relationship with money, spending and about not mindlessly bringing more and more "stuff" into my life. Material goods that I simply didn't need. So, my needs list does include things like books, audiobooks, trips, painting supplies. That is because these are things that are important to me and are things that I want to be a part of my life. They add value to my life and are worth the money spent.

Well, if you did the math, you can see that I am through about two months of my "shopping ban". And people, it is freaking awesome. It really has not been as hard as I expected, so far. Sure I have been a little tempted by some cute things, and my awesome sister (she is doing this with me too) had to talk me out of a silicone hot chocolate cup at Target yesterday (I did a great job of justifying to her why this was a need, but she had a better argument against it and got me back on track). But truly, it has been very liberating.  I really have been appreciating the things, clothing in particular, that I do have in my life. I have loved actually using the things in which I have invested so much of my hard earned money. I had gotten into a pattern where I would buy something, was excited and wore it for a few weeks (or days, if I'm being honest), but then the novelty wore off and before I knew it, I was off hunting for the "next thing". There is ALWAYS A NEXT THING. I would always think I was perfectly happy with what I had, but the more you get, the more you want. There is always something that someone will have that you will want. For me anyway. That is why I had to do something kind of extreme like this, to wake up and shock my system into seeing that there is a different way to do things. I had to stop the madness!!! And I love that now, because I know shopping isn't even an option, my mind isn't even thinking about what item my wardrobe is missing and planning on where I might look to find it, etc. I actually ENJOY wearing the things I have, I am getting good use out of them and feeling better overall that I am more in control of my spending decisions, instead of being on zombie consumer autopilot.

So, there you go. That's where I am at with this right now. It is a work in progress. And it is the reason I have decided to start posting again. To keep me honest. To document the journey (cuz I am pretty sure I am gonna go through some rough times with this), and really for me to frequently reflect on this process and what it is teaching me. So that changes are more likely to be permanent. And let me say that yes, I realize this is a first world dilemma. I realize that I am incredibly fortunate to not struggle to pay my bills each month; that I have enough money to take care of myself. I am truly grateful for that. I think that is part of what is driving this too. I had often felt sick about how stupid and irresponsible I was being with my money. I knew that life could change in a moment, and that I may not always be in the position I am in now. So I wanted to feel like I really was acting in a way that showed I was grateful for all that I had. And to me, that means being a better steward of the money that flows into my life.  I'll keep ya posted.

buying a house slash finding a husband

ok i SERIOUSLY need to stop these "i am gonna post more cuz its awesome" comments on this blog. im not big on "jinxy" stuff but i swear i do worse at posting when i make those statements. anywho, i started this post 6 months ago....so lets pick up as if it is back in June.....and I have not yet purchased my house......
(ellipses indicate that we are going back in time.....)

well people, i have finally arrived at that place where i actually WANT to be a homeowner. never until now did i really truly desire it. so i have been a looking, in earnest, and actually doing it. and man oh man, i cannot believe how it is exact-freaking-ly just like dating and trying to find that special someone. and this is probably not news to any of you out there, you wise intelligent 30 somethings. many of you (i use the word "many" liberally, as there are likely only one, perhaps two, folks reading this blog) have been through both of those experiences. and these are probably the two biggest commitments we make in life and so of course there will be parallels. but man, the creepers, the ridiculosity, the grossness, the beautiful-ness, the awkwardness, the longing, the heartbreak....its all there!! (ha, now you dont know if i was referring to dating or house-hunting when i spewed out those words, now did you.) ha. once i decide i am doing something, i do it. i go for it all out. so I have started aggressively house hunting a couple times a week (i log on to my realtors website compulsively several times a day looking for new listings, reading the specs, ruling out so many immediately based on one or two lines in the description (i promise i am still talking about houses and not online dating) (and now i am switching to past tense because this is where the post that i had started 6 months ago ended. just to clarify. ok actually i am just gonna switch between tenses here so just try to hang on for the ride. ok. onward...) we went. we searched. i looked at a lot of houses. so many had so many features that i wanted. awesome porch. incredible kitchen.  but just...not....quite....right. couldnt find it all in one package.  couldnt commit. didnt like any of them enough to even really explore the idea. then it happened. i found this amazing awesome house that I loved. the bathroom was huge with tons of counter space, big ol walk in closets, and the remodel was perfect. totally my style and taste. in the perfect area. and i tell my realtor i want to put in an offer..i want this house so bad! i have my little heart set on it...i can see my furniture on the beautiful hardwood floors. i am waiting and pining and staring at my phone....and then i get the call. its gone. under contract. several backup offers. BLAST. my hopes are dashed i am so dissapointed it was so perfect for me. exactly what i thought i wanted. but i have to forget about it and move on because i took too long to decide and they chose someone else.  but i have to move on. because i still want to buy a house. so we keep a lookin. and i get pickier about some features. and less picky about others. and my price range goes up. the value of certain features increases significantly the more houses i see. but its just not quite working out. i dont love any of them and i start to feel like maybe its just not out there, never gonna happen, and i am being unreasonable. and i think my realtor is beginning to feel the same way. in fact, i know he does because we are standing in a house and he tells me he is not sure if i am actually ready for the commitment. if i can actually see myself writing out that down payment check and signing the papers. i tell him yes i am. i am just waiting for the right house. i will know when i find it. there is one i have looked at and loved. alas, it is further south than i wanted to be. but i cant get it out of my head. i keep looking at the pictures. and i tell him, lets just go. lets just go see it. i need to see this house. and we do. and i love it. standing on the street looking at it, i fall in love. we walk in, go upstairs, and this is my house. we make the offer. there are other offers. i am nervous i am scared of the rejection. the prospect of missing out on it makes me so sad. they accept my offer. i write the check sign the papers and its a done deal. and there you go, ladies and gentleman, i bought my house. and here is the thing, it doesn't have all of those things i was looking for. no huge walk in closet. no huge counter space in the master bath. but you know what, there were all these other little things in the house that i love so much that i never knew i would have wanted or loved in a house, until i saw them here. i loved the whole house so much, i am totally fine with the things that it doesnt have. i don't even mind. the things i had dreaded and thought were the main reasons i would not like owning a home are totally not a big deal (mowing, etc) and actually sort of fun sometimes. cuz its my house. and i put work in to take care of it because i want to. and it feels sort of good to finally be committed to something. so yes this is sort of an intense, dramatic description of the home buying process. but you know what, it has really enlightened me. about myself. and of course, as i said, this pretty much describes my ideas on love and marriage and finding "the one". i sure hope it happens the same way.

last dating post update to date dating update

did you guys get that title? cuz it makes sense if you read it in the right light. so basically i was going back and re-reading some posts (looking for one in particular cuz i couldnt remember a certain detail about something) and i realized that i really am glad i have done this blog. it has been a fun record for me and has documented some things i otherwise would have totally forgotten. i was with a friend from grad school this weekend and as we chatted and reminisced, i realized, man oh man i forget stuff, really great stuff, easily. so i decided i am gonna post more cuz i like it. so as indicated by the title, im gonna give a lil dating update. however, my last dating update post was almost 2 years ago. yowza. seriously? so i cant go over all of em, but i will hit some great highlights. i will say that 2010 was a year of some great unique dates. let us begin on a warm and sunny summer evening.......there was a gentle breeze blowing as we walked down to the restaurant in downtown slc. this was a tall blond handsome stranger with whom i had been set up by an old friend from my neighborhood growing up. k i am done being super detailed and descriptive. ill just say he lived in another state, we had a great dinner date (not at the thai restaurant...i think cuz he had read my post about that or something. on a side note, i think i am up to like 9 or 10 different guys at that yummy thai place. but this last time something new happened that had never happened before-some random stranger sent us fried bananas. i suspected it was because they overheard me say something about a "first date" and felt bad. my date thought it was because a guy at the table behind us had a crush on him. seriously. anywho.....) back to tall handsome blind date. so we communicated a bit and then i was already planning a trip up to oregon to visit some friends, so we set up some time to hang out then. and guess what we did. well we went on a beautiful amazing hike and had dinner with his family (his dad was an awesome legendary runner who knew all my heroes and big players in running back in the day. THAT was some freaking awesome dinner conversation) and we also went SANDBOARDING! so fun. ok, by "so fun" i mean it looks fun. but i suck at crap like that, so it was a good time, doing something i had never done, but he of course was a total athlete and so he rocked it. but he was super nice and patient. but the absolute best moment of that night was when i made a comment about how i should have brought a hair tie cuz it was super windy and i hear him say "will this do?" and he pulls a fluffy little purple hair thing out of his pocket. it was so classic and adorable. (he has two little girls). anywho, it was a great time, but in the end, we werent a great match. in that same summer, i got sorta set up with a friend of a friend. he took my FLY FISHING! seriously. it was rad. i dont expect guys to go all out for first dates or anything, cuz i totally understand how that could be wearing. i am easily amused. but these dudes really went all out. i learned im not patient enough for fly fishing and i mostly suck at walking up icy cold rushing rivers in the dark. but i totally did not fall in and i think i even walked across a log at some point. so it was good times. he also took me to the batting cages which was totally rad and something i had never done and seriously enjoyed. but again, not a good match in the end. other dating hilights include a summer outdoor movie, we were sitting a bit awkwardly on a hill in the park and halfway through the movie the sprinklers in the park came on, and one nearest us was busted so we had a geyser and eventually river running past us by the time the movie was over. i went to this bizarre sculpture garden thing that was just tucked away behind some houses and apparantly was made by an eccentric mormon mason guy. super interesting sculptures and fascinating company. he was one of the most awesomely nerdy dates i went on, he knew a lot of stuff and was totally patient in explaining it all to me. and then of course, there were a good number of cultural/arts/performance type dates (especially when i dated the theater teacher-saw some truly fantastic theater with him. still cant get the Aida music out of my head. so great!! and i also saw a little ho hum not my thing shows with him) the rest of the dates could be summed up (for your sake) by enjoyable dinners, charming ice cream chats, not so charming drives around slc looking for ice cream places and me getting carsickiness (only once i think), hot chocolate walks around downtown, dinner making, and a little bowling sprinkled in there for good measure. and overall fascinating studies in man behavior on dates. as i get older....well...i think ill save this for another time. there you go, kids. lots of men out there. despite what people say, they are dating. and it still amazes me with how many new people i meet regularly, how rare it is for me to really click with someone, and for them to feel the same at the same time. however, i will say that i did have the rare experience of really falling more for someone on like the 4th date (granted it was over a span of 2 years between our 2nd and 3rd dates) when i really thought that he was not someone i would mesh with at all and wasnt even really that excited about our 4th date. so natalie, let this be a reminder to you always. you do really have to give people a chance. or 3 or 5. but sometimes you just know for shizzle after 1 that you dont need a 2. :) the end for now.

artsy mcarts

hi peeps. so not long ago a friend told me that civilizations fail when the arts are taken away (something along those lines...im paraphrasing ish...hope he wont mind). and that really made me stop and think. i had never ever thought of the arts in that way before. this is gonna sound ridiculous and whatever, but i always say exactly what i think on this blog....so here goes. this "friend" (ok fine, it was the guy i was dating who is a high school theater teacher) sort of legitimized the performing arts for me. sounds weird probably to any of you who know me, since i have been involved in choirs since elementary school and spent a lot of early morning hours in trouveres rehearsals and have been to gazillions of live concerts and whatnot. i love the performing arts. absolutely. love love dance shows, live performances, symphony, etc etc. always loved them. but i never truly thought of them as something that really changes society or civilization or history. like i said, i know this is ridiculously ignorant. but its where i was. they were something fun and enjoyable....a luxury. but i work in a healthcare field. i have a math and science mind. it never seemed like an essential. but spending some time with this guy, his high school kids in their rehearsals, seeing their productions...completely changed my mindset and thoughts on this. the arts are for real. they are life changing, for both performer and observer. i dont know that it is because of this epiphany that i took in a lot more performing arts this holiday season (there just happened to be a lot of great opportunities that i was able to take advantage of, and like i said, i always have enjoyed watching these things) but i did. i saw a concert of a whole bunch of talented mormon musicians that just get together to remake the hymns/christmas music in beautiful and new ways and they were fantastic to watch just because you could see they had no other motivation than their passion for music and wanting others to appreciate the beauty found therein. i went to the christmas carol service at the catholic cathedral here and it was absolutely exquisite. i have never been to an actual catholic service before (actually i take that back, i think my friend and i walked in on a service at notre dame once...) but the choir was fantastic. combo of children and adults and i absolutely loved it. i loved the latin, loved the harmonies, the clear as a bell childrens voice solos with no vibrato. such a distinct sound from motab and other choral performances and it was marvelous. i then lucked into some tickets to the sunday morning motab concert with nathan gunn and jane seymour which was of course fantastic. never heard the story of good king wenceslas before, but always loved the song. it was very special and i love that i will never thoughtlessly sing that song again. and then this last week i was able to finally go see "the nutcracker" for the first time ever. of course i have always loved the music but just never made an effort to find and attend a performance. i had gone to the ballet west performance of "dracula" back in october and absolutely fell in love with ballet. so i was totally stoked to see more and something so iconic and traditional. and they did not dissapoint. fabulous performance, although different from what i was expecting (i didnt even know the story AT ALL. so this mouse king thing was weird) but i truly enjoyed every moment. so there you go kids. i love performing arts. they are essential. and yes i have a much greater appreciation for theater in particular, although i still dont have a desire to attend any and all plays, indiscriminately (i am still pickier about those productions....i can get easily annoyed with community theater. but that is a whole other blog topic), but we will just say my mind has certainly been opened. and that is a happy thing in life so i am glad for that.

jobs and work

so i had a very interesting conversation with a good friend the other night. she is a doctor and is a single woman. and dating can be very tricky for her. we talked about how sometimes it might be nice for her to date a guy without him knowing what her job is. cuz like it or not, there are all sorts of assumptions and whatnot that go along with the dr. title, as with anything else in the world (and you wouldnt believe the stories this girl has from dates-people completely alter their boundaries of what is "normal" and "acceptable" behavior and conversation on a first date when they know you are a doctor). but the thing is, how much of who we are is our job? most of us spend more of our waking hours there than anywhere else. its a huge part of our identity. but its just a job, right? to pay the bills, to live. but all the qualities that we have, who we are is developed and shaped by that job. we have to step into different roles and do things that we maybe wouldn't normally do, because the job requires it. so then we become the person that we need to be at work-but is that now the new us? or just a part we play to excel in our profession? they say you can't compartmentalize your life and that you have to be the same person (i think mostly referring to values and integrity, so maybe it doesnt completely apply to what i am speaking of) in all settings. but i dont know if thats the case. and going back to my friend who said she would like to date without guys knowing she is a doctor; can you really get to know her without knowing that? so much of who she is, her drive, dedication, discipline, intelligence, etc, is very much tied to the fact that she is a doctor. so that is incredibly impressive and attractive. but is it attractive because our society glorifies the occupation, the title...or because she herself has worked so hard to accomplish her goals? and on a side note, i think its weird that we do spend such a huge percentage of our lives at work, with people who may be good friends, but aren't really a huge part of our lives. and that those we love and care about the most, usually never see us in our work roles, doing hopefully what it is we do best. weird.

never say never

well hello there! dear friends and family how i have missed you. k before i launch into this post, im just gonna give you a glimpse into my psyche. messed up though it may be. i have had lots of good thoughts and ideas for posts in past months. but i just couldnt bring myself to just start writing them because when it is a topic that i care about, well i think that so often i just dont think i can accurately express what i am thinking or that i wont be able to do the topic justice, so i just dont start it. i just let it be. but i am committed to this one dangit.

so there is a phrase that i have found myself thinking and using a lot lately, mostly in regards to dating. and sometimes about life in general but mostly about dating. that phrase is "never say never". and that is the title of the justin beiber biographical flick. but we will get to that. but i am really a believer in the never say never idea. i have just learned that you really truly have no idea what things might happen and how things will turn out. pretty much it is never what you expect. sometimes better, sometimes worse. and with dating, wow. you just really dont know what might work out for you. back in my younger years, i would say that i would never date/marry a guy that was younger than i was. ha. ya i think we all know how that has gone. and there are many other scenarios that i, at one time, would have expected myself to freak out about and never consider as possibilities. but now i am surprised at how ok i am about these situations. i know i am being vague, but all i am saying is that with these mindset changes, i really dont think it is a matter of getting "older" and "desperate" or lowering my standards at all. i certainly dont feel that i have done that. its a matter of realizing that sometimes the unexpected is what i need. sometimes i really dont know what is best for me. and so i have to open mind and give the unexpected a shot. and sometimes people surprise you. sometimes they dont. sometimes they are exactly what you thought they were. but you just dont know so you gotta give it a shot. and in my crazy jacked up mind this also somewhat relates to what i have learned in the past 4 years of my training/running/racing craziness. you never know what you are capable of. i put the same limitations on myself as i do on other people. but seriously peeps, you can do way way more than you think you can. years ago i swore i would never ever even attempt to run a marathon. i didnt have the desire or drive. but then that desire and drive got there. somehow. and i literally did things that i never ever imagined i was capable of. and i am not anything special, that is the thing. we have got to push ourselves, push our limits to see what we really can do. sure i succumb all the time and let my brain tell me that i am too tired or weak to push up the last bit of hill. but i think i always know deep down that i could do it if i was willing to be that uncomfortable for that long. thats what its about. not a matter of capability necessarily, but willingess to be in pain, discomfort, for longer amounts of time. in my opinion thats a huge part of what makes world class athletes. obviously, incredible talent. but a part of that talent allowing yourself to be uncomfortable for a really long time. and how does this relate to justin beiber?! well folks, i think the movie is certainly a worthwhile watch. its interesting, dare i say a bit inspiring, and well, not gonna lie, there is some fun catchy concert footage. the kid is likeable for sure. but the story is simply amazing. ya there is a lot of crap in our world and a whole lot of jack-upped ness in society today. however, i do love that we are so accessible to each other. how youtube has completely morphed everything. and that it makes things like justin beiber's story possible. and the thing i love is that watching him sing, seeing how he was just absolutely a natural musical talent from childhood, and then seeing the performances, wow, its like the kid was truly born to do exactly what he is doing. i mean seriously, you cannot deny that it is an incredibly rare kid that not only has the incredible vocal and musical talent, but the confidence and just straight up guts to perform the way he does and handle the pressure of the pretty much overnight craziness that became his life. so anywho, believe it or not, i see all these items in this post as related in a very broad sense. and it is summed up i suppose in every cliche motivational speaker-y catch phrase. but its true. you just never know what you are capable of/what can happen. so never say never. and yes, for a blog post titled "never say never" i certainly used the word never a lot. im ok with it.