zumba. are you freaking kidding me. no, no i see that you are not.

ok. sorry its been so long folks, i dont know what to tell ya. i just dont make the time to blog often. sorry. but rest assured that all kinds of fun crap has been happening and maybe ill tell you about it when youre older. ok. zumba. all i knew about zumba before tonight was that its this trendy new exercise class that is dancy/mostly salsa-y latin ish. and its supposed to be a great workout. well. peeps. i did my first class tonight. a great workout it was not. a really really good laugh it most definitely was. holy buckets. ok first off i think most zumba instructors are female. and just so you know, gayness does not necessarily a good zumba instructor make. i learned this tonight. we walked in to class, and this guy was wearing cargo pants and a leather belt, i kid you not. who works out in cargo pants and a leather belt!? and on top, a little nike sleeveless workout shirt that mostly acted as a half shirt throughout the class. especially when he raised his hands up and grabbed his head and acted all seductive. and he would not stop touching his dang bare midriff. yes folks. every cliche icky sassy sexy move that is normally attributed to less than savory female dancers-he had it going on. all of it. he began with a series of silly step outs with SHIMMIES. ooohhh so many shimmies. but not regular flavor shimmies. one arm extended, the other in ballet form shimmies. i mean, i have some dance background and im a girl. and i felt utterly ridiculous doing this move! and he looked beyond utterly ridiculous doing it. wow. but he loved it. oohhh he loved those shimmies. he took off his little microphone 2 minutes into the class. so we were left to just watching him and trying to catch on to what the crap those sassy little legs were doing beneath their cargo pant cover. and half the time it was obvious HE didnt really know what his sassy little legs were doing. homeboy did have pretty dang good rhythm and could move those hips like nobody's business....so he kinda just relied on that. and gyrating. and lest you think that i was a zumba failure, he did take the time to come sashaying through the group and gave me an encouraging little "youre doing great!". was that because i was laughing at him so he was trying to butter me up? because i looked pathetic and he thought i was laughing at myself because i was getting confused at his moves? or was it because i truly am a zumba prodigy? ill never know. but wow, i was surprised at how not shy he was about watching himself in the mirror do all his sassy moves. oh man. so ya, i am pretty sure, in speaking with others, that not all zumba classes are like this. at all. and i think it has potential to be a lot of fun. music was great, and there was a little part that we did some jive type jumpy moves that were pretty fun. we even got a little flea hopping going on. but i cannot bear the uncomfortable awkwardness i felt watching this guy up there doing that snake whatever thing over and over and shaking that booty like ive never seen. sir, im sorry, i dont like to shake it like that. it makes everything jiggle. everything. i think most girls dont like that feeling. so, im firing you, cory, as my zumba instructor. but thanks for getting me back on my blog. and giving me something to talk about besides dating. oh, and sorry peeps, still dont have a camera. but i think the mental picture is quite sufficient on this one.

lets do this

ok its about time for another post. and as much as i would love to make it non-dating centered, thats sorta been the topic of my life lately. i mean, i go along, work is great. i enjoy the things i do daily. but it just hasnt been blog worthy. except the ragnar relay i did. that would have been a great blog post. but im not in the mood to recap that right now. let us discuss my new little project. operation master matchmaker. ok, so i blogged a few months ago about the terrible "man and woman differences" fireside thingy that we had. and i feel the need to inform you all, lest you be concerned that i had sworn off relationships in general after that annoying evening, that we had another dating coach fireside thingy. but it was a bajillion times more helpful. fantastic even. she was very knowledgeable and basically just talked about simple techniques and things specific to us as singles and how to get things started or moving along with the opposite sex. she talked about the main needs of men and women in a relationship, (men: to be trusted and useful, women: to feel safe and secure.....as i recall it) and it was overall helpful. but its tricky cuz she gave specific advice, but we were all with each other. the opposite sex. and the people with whom we would most likely be conversing/dating. so it would be tricky implementing this helpful information. so my friend and i were talking about the trickiness of dating and she just mentioned that arranged dating should happen more often. and the seed was planted and i decided to actually make it happen. i posted a facebook status asking who would be up for me arranging dates for them, and a bunch of guys responded. which is interesting. ummmm.....if you want to be dating, why arent you asking girls out? i have my theories. but anywho, i got enough of a response i decided to really try it. so im in the initial stages right now of Operation Master Matchmaker. i sent out facebook invites to all my single friends and just said, if you wanna play, let me know. i will just find two peeps i think would get along, send them both a message that says "be here at this time" and let them just meet and hang out for a bit. just makes it easier i think to just get out there and go on dates and realize it doesnt need to be some huge momentous thing. you go on dates to get to know people. and very often there are people you might thoroughly enjoy hanging out with but never would have thought/had the opportunity to meet. and some peeps have said they want to know more about the person before going out. but i think i will hold strong and keep it all confidential. cuz i figure, when someone sets you up, they always tell you all these amazing things about the person and why they are the perfect match for you. so of course, you have high expectations. very high. and very often, in my experience, that can lead to dissapointment. not that these people arent great or anything, but if you go into it thinking they are your soul mate, well it can just get trickier ( i realize i use many forms of the word "tricky" as a cop-out word when i dont want to find the exact perfect word for the situation. thats how i roll. just saying, i realize this, in case any of you felt compelled to chastise me. ok i know none of you actually would. and probably didnt notice. but i felt the need to disclose that. ok, back to my explanation..) so i figure, zero expectations equals zero dissapointment, right? and at least people will be getting out and meeting and going on dates. also, some of the matches i have made in the past, well, quite honestly i thought there was no way they would work. and they totally did. so you really never do know when people will hit it off and what will could make them a really great couple. it might be a huge epic fail. but at the very least, i think some good tales could come from this. and hopefully i wont lose any friends. and some of you may be thinking "wait, if she is so focused on setting up everyone else, does that mean she is done with dating? either giving up on it....or has she found the one?!" cuz usually thats how it works, right? someone meets mr/mrs right and are so blissfully happy they want everyone else to be as happy. well, dear friends, no that is not the case. i am not giving up on dating or getting engaged or anything. i continue to meet great guys and go on dates. and i will def keep you posted on that. but in the meantime, i figure why not. why not just try this experiment and see what happens. so there you go. let the matchmaking begin. ps i broke my camera months ago. so i havent taken/posted pics. sorry. how many of you actually notice the lack of pics and want me to make more effort? if anyone responds i will attempt to do as you wish. although, my posts dont really lend themselves to photos. they are all about my thoughts and crap. but if more pics would make any of you, my faithful blogreaders, happier, i will make it happen.

messity mess mess. but not without hope.

so roommate came to visit all last week and we had some good chats about stuff as usual. and it got me thinking. and then tonight for fhe we had a little lesson dealio from a "relationship expert" about "bridging the gap" between the genders. yes, a good, well-intentioned activity. but i came away from it wondering if we dont sometimes create more gap by beating these dead horses. am i the only one that feels they have heard the "why do girls go to the bathroom in groups" question/joke a bajillion times? and heres the thing: im not that girl. i dont generally go to the bathroom unless i need to go the bathroom. i have always felt i was a little less compassionate, a little more selfish, perhaps a little heartless because of this. but i just am not a fan of silly things like that. anywho, thats a side note, but as i just sat and listened to this lady, whom i am sure has helped many a struggling couple find common ground, i couldnt help but feel that all this stuff is just too cliche and overgeneralized to be helpful really. havent we all heard this?! havent we all gotten the silly email forwards about "what guys want" and "why women do such and such" and whatnot? its not that we dont know these things. its that it takes a lot of effort to do it. just like relationships in general. and quite honestly, i really dont buy a lot of it. it was mentioned that men cant "multitask" and women can. well guess what people, i kinda sorta dont believe in multitasking at all. i am efficient, i get lots of things done, but for anyone to claim that they can listen to, process, and understand two different streams of auditory input at once is just rubbish. people, we have limited cognitive resources, and if we spread them too thin, doing too many things at once, the quality of something is going to suffer. plain and simple. you will make mistakes, you will screw things up if you really honestly do several things at once. thats a beef ive had for a long time, so there you go. now, yes, of course there are absolute differences in men and women. im certainly not saying there arent. im just thinkin that most of the strategies and "gap building" skills she was talking about are just basic, being a good person and a good communicator skills. yes, one could argue that i am of course a woman, and i am right now venting which is an ironic perfect example of what the lady was talking about tonight, that we women need to vent. and yes im a woman, which means communication is perhaps a bigger deal to me and thats why i focus on it, but i dont think its just that. i think, as my good friend confirmed to me tonight (male friend) that very often in these discussion we over-simplify men. they say they just have an "on" and an "off" switch. rubbish. guys have a lot more going on than that and i know it. i just feel that as we keep having these little "understand each other" discussions, we validate certain behaviors and make the genders feel that that is how they "should" behave because they have heard so much that that is what their gender is known for, ya know? i know we girls do crazy things. i know we are hard to understand. but guys insist they are every bit as scared of rejection and whatnot and that leads them to do crazy things, analyze behaviors, just like we girls do. like i said, im sure this lady has helped many clueless people navigate many a tricky situation, and i am not dissing her because i know she honestly wants to help us. but i sincerely want to know if im the only one that feels that we overtalk this (granted, its fun to talk about this stuff in small circles, but a lecture setting is different) and use the same examples over and over and it doesnt get us anywhere? ok now moving on, the next topic is kind of related and i think will require a completely different blog post. its one my roommate and i discussed. loving and being loved. she says that in every relationship someone loves more than the other. so would you rather be the one that loves more or is loved more? its a sucky question indeed. and im just not sure if i buy it yet. but its been interesting to ponder..... to be continued.

year to date dating update

i know what you are thinking. oy. lookin at that title. it probably gets monotonous reading about my dating life. actually, what am i saying!? because a) i dont even know who "you" is these days when i address "you" because im thinking my lack of posts in the last months could have deterred the few peeps that were reading this blog and b) my dating life is anything but monotonous, lets be honest. not because im super desired or exciting or whatever but merely because when you reach my age, you tend to encounter/go out with ALL types of folks and that makes for entertainment. anywho, i just feel like doing a recap because honestly, ive tried to post a couple of times this year and just really havent had a thing to say. and im not in the mood to psycho-analyze anything or whatever....i really just have gone out with lots of great guys and felt like documenting the experiences. so, shall we begin? well, i said "year to date" so we will just go ahead and start with new years day. i worked a bit then headed up to a yurt in the uintahs for our ward snowshoeing trip. this was my first snowshoeing experience, btw, and well, lets just say i dropped a couple hundred bucks the next week for a nice pair. i loved it that much. so i trekked in with a few other folks, we got a bit lost, but i didnt mind meandering through the forest on a nice moonlit night with cool people. so we made it in to the yurt (i know you are probly wondering what this has to do with dating. wait ...for...it...). so it ended up that me and one other guy wanted to go on a late night moonlit snowshoe adventure. so we took off up the trail. it was fantastic and gorgeous. i absolutely fell in love with winter recreation/camping because everything just looks and feels so different. everything is still and peaceful and its just incredible. so that was fantastic. and yes, i definitely noticed that this guy was sooo much fun. but i thought, "he is so young (23), so whatever." sorta dismissed it. in the meantime, there were a bunch of blind dates that had been sort of accumulating (friends that said "oh i want you to go out with this guy. can i give him your number?"). so, names and times get sorta fuzzy here, but we will just say that I have eaten at the Thai place by my house with 4 different guys. (hey, if they ask where I wanna eat, its just simple and close and yummy, ok?) and i began to feel like a blind dating machine. i definately dont hate blind dates. i appreciate my friends and their desire for me to be happy. but it just gets a little old. all of them were great guys, not a single jerk in the bunch. but in comparison to the other dates that were happening at the same time, well it just made it hard to really consider them. and the funny thing is....the ones that i thought for sure would call...didnt. and the ones i wrote off have actually pursued. so ive come to the conclusion that with all my years of experience and wisdom ..i am worse than i ever have been at determining levels of interest and accurately perceiving guys' level of fun/enjoyment/interest on a date with me. anywho, so back to the "other dates" that were distracting me from enjoying the blind dates. so im gonna have to say that one of my favorites was the christmas tree burning. so, snowshoe boy, yes he asked me out the week after that yurt trip. and i was surprised but stoked cuz he seemed great. we went to dinner (at THE thai place, but it was funny because he picked that with no input from me. ironic) and a wedding reception which was a funny first date. but we already had plans to go snowshoeing the next morning (everyone else that was supposed to go flaked out so we decided it was a date) so it was sorta a marathon first date. (oohh that just made me wonder if anyone has ever done an actual marathon for a first date. huh. ya thats a bit much for even me. a 5k, perhaps.) so our morning snowshoeing excursion....well ill just say im blown away that he asked me out again after that because, well i had no makeup on, and when i exercise at all my nose gets way runny and i was just slipping and falling and snotting all over the place and being ridiculous, and wow. ya. defintely not my typical "date natalie" polite boring behavior. (for those of you that dont know about "date natalie...its my lame version of me. that usually comes out on dates, particularly first dates. and uuuusually mostly when i actually am interested. not always though. ps i am fairly certain that none of the these guys read this blog, but if you are, well, i just needed to document these months of my life. hope you dont mind. :) anywho, i think christmas tree burning came next. yes indeed. we had talked about the amazing smell of pine and how id never burned a christmas tree. so somehow we ended up on a freezing cold dark, very foggy night tromping around some frozen lake in bountiful finding the spot for christmas tree burning. we climbed through barbed wire, through snowy muddy fields, down a path, through some trees, over a frozen river (yes of course as i carefully descended down one side of the riverbank i absolutely slipped, flew up and yes, down right onto my bum. he just chuckled and came and helped me up. i had already had so many embarassing moments with this guy that i just didnt care at all anymore. which was nice. i should always do ridiculously awkward things at the beginnings of dates or whatever so i can just get it over with and not care. ) and we eventually found the designated "christmas tree burning spot" in the middle of a marsh that had become significantly marshier since snowshoe boy had last been there. but we forged ahead, used a whole box of matches and magically, on the last match, he got it to catch fire a bit and we savored that moment. it was pretty awesome for anyone who has never done it. anywho, time moved on, yada yada, we hung out, did stuff, insert random other dates and blind dates in here. alas, things didnt work out with snowshoe boy. im tired of blogging and its been so long since i posted so theres really no point to this other than to post. and not forget what ive done since i lived in SLC. so there you go. the end.

sissy's baby and favorites

well i just felt the need to write a quick update here, as the taste of delicious triscuits and candy cane hershey's kisses fades away (two delicious things im greatly enjoying lately). im just gonna talk about recent favorites. songs-stolen by dashboard confessional, kings and queens-30 seconds to mars, karma police -radiohead (thanks to my guitar teacher for reminding me of this one) fake empire-the national, straight away-mat kearney, gravity-sara bareilles. i am really really adoring my ugg boots right now. people, they arent overrated. they are truly fabulous and cozy comfy and i live in them and have actually slept in them cuz they are so comfy i forget they are on and then dont want to take them off when i realize im wearing them and worth every penny. contemplating buying a second amazing different pair but i know dana will give me a what for (whatfor? i dont know how to type that or if thats even the saying) if she reads this and i do. oy. my moroccan oil hair stuff. makes my hair feel like an amazing lil slice of heaven when after i use it and dry and straighten it. very cranberry scented oil mixed with holiday pine smell oil from body shop. amazing smells are never overrated. ok thats it for now. now, the baby. ill just start by saying ive never been around someone when they were in labor. and i was just chilling at my sissys on sunday night. and it just so happens that she was in labor. and it was crazy. and im glad it wasnt me. and so i slept at her house cuz mason obviously was asleep when they went to the hospital and he is the cutest little bug when he wakes up happy in the morning. we had a great time and laughed a lot just getting him dressed. anywho, my sis is amazing and my hero and did an amazing job and went and HAD that baby and he is precious and adorable of course and very quiet and i have seen his eyes a couple times and its so sweet and i love him and his little wrinkly neck when he stretches. life is good. thats all for now.

the awesomeness that is anne

its high time i devote a blog post to my friend anne jackman. and i dont even know where to begin or how to do it justice, but she is pretty much the most fantastic friend one could hope for. and i dont mean that in a trite insincere way. dead seriously, she is a wonderful person and i truly am blessed that she is my friend and has been for the past 15 years or so. and here is why, in no particular order. anne doesnt try to be anything she is not. she is straight up, straight forward, what you see is what you get. i never ever have to wonder about meanings behind her words or guess what she is thinking because i know i can count on her to be honest and give it to me straight. its so hard to find that! truly. i cannot tell you how much i value that in a person. and even moreso, the ability to be straight up but not ever rude. when you go to anne's house to stay, you know you will have delicious homemade-ness in many forms. holy crap the girl ASTOUNDS me with her culinary prowess. i am not even kidding you as i type this i am dyiinnnnggg for one of the incredible pumpkin cookies with perfectly brand new freshly whipped frosting that i had when i was down at annes for the marathon this month. holy frik. amazing. see, for me, i find a recipe or two that work and use them over and over. anne has a talent and interest in finding, creating, perfecting new recipes for friends and family on a regular basis and it makes me soooo jealous! she is so supportive of all those around her even when she may not understand what or why they are doing what they are doing. (like when i came down for the marathon and she had her kids make signs and came down to the course and waited and waited for me, or when we called her the morning after a rainy night camped out in a freakin old riverbed by her house and needed a warm comfy place to go) anne has a way with words. she thinks. she forms opinions. she cares about important things and asks opinions and gives hers and does it in such an eloquent way. she is always trying to do something to improve herself or help her adorable little family. she takes care of people. but not in a babying annoying way. she is organized and on the ball, reliable-the girl doesnt know the meaning of the word flakiness which is HUGE to me. she is passionate about so many things, loves what she loves, hates what she hates, and in that sense we are absolutely two peas in a pod. as years pass, i have pondered many times the reasons i keep in touch with certain people and not with others. it really is a lot of effort to keep in touch with people, and you simply cant really stay friends with everyone. but i stay friends with anne. because every single time i go see her or talk to her, i remember how much i value her friendship. we can always pick up and talk as if no time had passed since we have seen each other, even if it has been months or longer. and it is never obligatory. it is absolutely delightful every time because she always has interesting things to say. and fun. the girl is fun and funny and clever and tells stories like no other (i absolutely nominate her as the one friend of mine that needs to have her own column in a magazine). there are sooo many other things i love about the girl and memories and reasons why she is fabulous. this post doesnt do her justice, but suffice it to say that she is an absolute gem and i hope to call her my friend always. because she IS awesome.

marathon #2 ( ie: seriously, did that just happen?)

so i was debating writing a whole blogpost about my running of the st. george marathon on saturday. i had decided no, then i looked at all the books i have about running and different runners' experiences in different races, and how much i enjoy reading about them. and i figure, at some point im gonna forget exactly how it was, so im just gonna go ahead and document it all here, beginning to end, all the crazy, ridiculousness of this last marathon, in vivid detail. i think this is a good thing cuz ive had lots of peeps ask me how the marathon was, and i just say fine, cuz i figure they are just being nice in asking. but some people (other runners) actually might want to know the mile by mile rundown, so whatever your purpose is in reading this, you can skip through and get the gist, or read every blasted word and feel like you were there. so there you go. k ill start off by saying obviously ive been preparing for this for months, and ive done one marathon before, so i knew what i was getting into. and its my own dang fault, my pain, soreness, etc. so i dont expect sympathy either, so ill say that right off the bat as well. im just gonna tell it like it was. so i spent the last week before the marathon asking for suggestions for my perfect marathon playlist, and had put together quite the awesome collection of running music, if i do say so myself. i was super excited to push play and let the tunes carry me through the red rock. theres nothing like hearing a new awesome song when you are in an unfamiliar stretch of road on a cold morning, and i was looking forward to it. (this will become important later). anywho, i drove down to the meeting spot at 3:15 am on saturday morning (they have buses to take you to the start and there were 7000 runners, so i wanted to get on the first bus), boarded the bus in the freezing cold dark, nervous but excited. i had absolutely no idea how the race was going to go, because i hadnt run for over 2 weeks. ive been having major lateral knee pain when i run for the last few months (likely caused by ilio-tibial band stress/tightening/crap-a common runners injury) and the only "cure" they say is to stretch, massage and NOT RUN. i had sorta been ignoring it for a while, figuring it would go away and when it didnt go away but got worse, i decided to just do cross training (biking, stair climbing, elliptical, weight lifting) for the last few weeks to let it rest and take lots of ibuprofen and hope for the best. everyone kept telling me not to do the race, saying it wasnt worth it. well, i simply knew that wasnt an option. i had set my sights on this for so long and worked so hard, i just had to at least attempt it or id always wonder how it would have been. also, i had done a half marathon a month earlier at very near my goal time, and although my knee hurt during the race, i was able to keep going (thanks cindy for helping in the last miles) and finish ok. granted, i couldnt walk well for a few days, but i thought it worth it. and it felt like it got better, so i thought "no permanent damage. im good to go". anywho, i simply couldnt just not do the race. no way. so anywho, we got up to the start line, pitch black, a random stretch of highway outside of st george. the time right before a race is exciting and thrillling, people everywhere, totally different (some peeps doing their 1st, some doing their 101st marathon. elite runners, rookies) but everyone is gonna go the same 26.2 miles on the same road and reach the same finish line. hopefully. so its exciting talking to everyone cuz you all understand certain aspects of the process. anywho, they had fires there to keep us warm, so we sat around for a few hours and chatted. anywho, start time came near, and i went to go drop my clothes off (you put your warm up clothes in a bag and put it on the truck and they take it to the finish for you), which i did-jacket and pants. i started walking away, and as i did, i realized that something was missing. it was my ipod shuffle. my frekin ipod shuffle that i spent forever grooming its playlist and making the perfect mix to get me through the tough miles ahead was safely tucked in my jacket pocket. NOOOOOOOO!!!! this could not be happening, i thought to myself. i ran back to the track and begged for them to let me go look for my bag and get my jacket but they said no, its too late. the runners around me as they realized the seriousness of my predicament begged the clothing drop people to let me go look for my bag. still no. and there i was. music less. with 26.2 miles of endless silent highway ahead of me. oh heres a pic of me at the start, moments before i took of that cursed jacket. see, can you see my poor innocent ipod just sittin there in my pocket?! arg. it took quite a while for this to sink in. i have never ever run a long run without my ipod. and i certainly didnt want to find out now how it would effect me. but i remembered reading a runners world article a few months ago that talked about adjusting to race conditions when they arent what you expect. weather, your body, sports drinks, surroundings, something can always change and "ruin" your race if you let it. so i just decided "well, i guess ill talk to people and just try to enjoy the experience" ha. well anywho, they have "pace groups"-with a pace leader that is very experienced and runs marathons at a certain pace professionally to help people be able to finish at their goal time (its a lot harder to keep a good pace than one might think) so i found the 4hour, 15 minute pace group (about 9:22 minute miles i think) and decided id just go with them and talk to the pace leader to pass the miles. so the gun went off, and 6 minutes later i crossed the start line (when there are that many runners, it takes a while to get there), and we were off. it was pitch black, but i was feeling good. i wasnt cold, and i was enjoying the thrill of starting a race. i could certainly feel the dull pain in my knee, but it was certainly endurable. so i hoped it stayed that way. i ran about the first 11 miles well, right on pace with the group. i talked with "joe" our pace leader, who has paced over 50 marathons. he was awesome and had a lot of great advice and things were going well. i felt like it might be a fantastic race. it just goes to show that you truly never ever know what will happen in a marathon. it is indeed a really really long way. and there are always ups and downs. and sometimes they come and go rather quickly. you see and hear incredibly inspiring things in the course of a marathon. you see the old timers, who have raced like 200 marathons and been to boston tons of times and just keep on trucking along and you have no idea how the are even able to do one mile with their crazy old gait, but they do! its amazing. anywho, i got behind the pace group a bit at the water stop at mile 11, and never caught back up. my whole left leg was aching and cramping, and i simply coudnt bend it to run with my normal gait. so i would start limp running, then my right leg calf suddenly spasmed and my toes started curling up, which i have never ever had happen before. it veered off the the side, and officially freaked out. i had never been in so much pain during a race and had never before wondered if i actually would be able to finish. with my toes curled and muscles spasming i almost fell over when i put my foot down. it was bizarre and im sure looked incredibly strange but entertaining from behind. so i stretched out the muscles that i could and walked as fast as i could. that was about mile 13. and i thought to myself, holy freakin crap. im only half done. and it took me 2 hours to get here. then i did the mental math to figure how long it would take the rest of the way if i walked the whole time. and that freaked me out more. plus, i knew that my friends cindy, anne and her two kids would be waiting for me to pass by. crap. so i hobble/ran/walked/jogged/lurched on. i took the ibuprofen that i had stored in my tank top. the awesome volunteers rubbed ben gay or icy hot or some goo crap on my leg for me at every aid station. (i never thought id be running past a tent with a guy standing there holding out popsicle sticks with big globs of vaseline on them, let alone that i would actually be glad to see him and take and use one of those sticks! chafing is real people. just on my arms though. so that was good). the icy hot wasnt helping as far as i could tell, i still had sharp pain all up and down my leg every time i tried to run, so they ace wrapped some ice on my knee at one station. i tried to run with that for a while, but it just got in the way so i tossed it after a mile. oh, and if youve never raced before, they have photographers all along the route that take pics, which is awesome if you are having a good race, cuz then you can buy those pics later and its cool. but if youre having a pathetic race, its humbling to see them. ya, i already saw some of my pics and well, they capture the essence of it for sure. oy vay. anywho, i continued on, with the lovely encouraging people along the street trying their best to encourage me, telling me not to stop. oh how i wanted to be able to give them something less pathetic to look at. but i just couldnt. ps, if you go cheer on runners, and you are anywhere before about mile 23, do not say "you are almost there!". cuz unless i can see the finish line, it doesnt matter, and it just gives me false hope. so at about mile 16, there was another guy hobbling on the side, and i hobbled past and he said "IT band?" ( i was wearing a strap thing above my knee that most runners would recognize as something you wear when trying to alleviate IT band issues) and i said "yup" and he said "ya , me too. i dont think im gonna make it on this one. im gonna be ridin the meat wagon in. you should come with me. if you are injured, theres no shame in riding the van in." i told him thanks but no thanks. that just was not an option. maybe it was stupid, but i just could not fathom not finishing. so anywho, i continued on, met and chatted with several other injured runners along the way, and i eventually got to the last few miles, in st george. i was overjoyed when i spotted cindy, anne and her kids with their sign. i was just so excited to see familiar faces, and especially loved that anne got so caught up in it that she started running along with me, hollering all kinds of encouraging things. so i pressed on. and i remembered something that joe, the pace leader had said, about finishing strong. he said everyone hurts at mile 20, but if you went out too fast at the beginning you will be dying. and i started wondering, and frankly am still wondering, how much pain does everyone else feel at mile 20? its interesting to think about pain threshold and whatnot, and i really started to wonder if maybe i am just weaker than other runners to not be able to keep pushing my pace when my leg hurt so bad. maybe its true that the real good ones are just the ones that can endure the most pain. well, ill never know. all i know was, i pushed as hard as i could. it was a horridly heinous physical and mental battle. and i came in at 5 hours 9 minutes, about 12 minutes slower than my first marathon. but now i know that i can go for that long without music. oh ill throw in a pic of me and my radically huge blister, which i didnt really feel much and i cant believe it didnt pop. gross i know. and right now as i sit and type this, 2 days later, my legs are indeed incredibly sore, and my knee is still horrificly painful when i change positions or try to walk. so im not sure what that means. i wasnt sore at all after my first. im hopin with ice and rest from running for a while, itll clear right up and i can run the half marathon that im registered for on halloween. so, when i was out on the course, i swore to myself that i would not do another full marathon. i just kept telling myself that bodies are simply not meant to do that. especially my body. im not a naturally talented runner. i have to really push, even to be a slow runner. and when i train for marathons, things just seem to not go as planned. so either, my training plans are bad, or my body just cant tolerate it. so i swore, no more fulls. just halfs. and cross training. cuz i enjoy that and it doesnt injure me. but now, of course, im just wondering. wondering if i did something different, tweaked things, took a different approach, healed my knee, if i could do the marathon the way i want to. or will it always end up this way? hmmmmm. so thats what im pondering. im sure this all seems insane to some of you, but i cant explain it. i just enjoy it. im addicted to running and to races. no i dont enjoy the pain and definitely not every run is a good one. but its totally awesome enough of the time to make me keep coming back for more. weird.