artsy mcarts

hi peeps. so not long ago a friend told me that civilizations fail when the arts are taken away (something along those lines...im paraphrasing ish...hope he wont mind). and that really made me stop and think. i had never ever thought of the arts in that way before. this is gonna sound ridiculous and whatever, but i always say exactly what i think on this blog....so here goes. this "friend" (ok fine, it was the guy i was dating who is a high school theater teacher) sort of legitimized the performing arts for me. sounds weird probably to any of you who know me, since i have been involved in choirs since elementary school and spent a lot of early morning hours in trouveres rehearsals and have been to gazillions of live concerts and whatnot. i love the performing arts. absolutely. love love dance shows, live performances, symphony, etc etc. always loved them. but i never truly thought of them as something that really changes society or civilization or history. like i said, i know this is ridiculously ignorant. but its where i was. they were something fun and enjoyable....a luxury. but i work in a healthcare field. i have a math and science mind. it never seemed like an essential. but spending some time with this guy, his high school kids in their rehearsals, seeing their productions...completely changed my mindset and thoughts on this. the arts are for real. they are life changing, for both performer and observer. i dont know that it is because of this epiphany that i took in a lot more performing arts this holiday season (there just happened to be a lot of great opportunities that i was able to take advantage of, and like i said, i always have enjoyed watching these things) but i did. i saw a concert of a whole bunch of talented mormon musicians that just get together to remake the hymns/christmas music in beautiful and new ways and they were fantastic to watch just because you could see they had no other motivation than their passion for music and wanting others to appreciate the beauty found therein. i went to the christmas carol service at the catholic cathedral here and it was absolutely exquisite. i have never been to an actual catholic service before (actually i take that back, i think my friend and i walked in on a service at notre dame once...) but the choir was fantastic. combo of children and adults and i absolutely loved it. i loved the latin, loved the harmonies, the clear as a bell childrens voice solos with no vibrato. such a distinct sound from motab and other choral performances and it was marvelous. i then lucked into some tickets to the sunday morning motab concert with nathan gunn and jane seymour which was of course fantastic. never heard the story of good king wenceslas before, but always loved the song. it was very special and i love that i will never thoughtlessly sing that song again. and then this last week i was able to finally go see "the nutcracker" for the first time ever. of course i have always loved the music but just never made an effort to find and attend a performance. i had gone to the ballet west performance of "dracula" back in october and absolutely fell in love with ballet. so i was totally stoked to see more and something so iconic and traditional. and they did not dissapoint. fabulous performance, although different from what i was expecting (i didnt even know the story AT ALL. so this mouse king thing was weird) but i truly enjoyed every moment. so there you go kids. i love performing arts. they are essential. and yes i have a much greater appreciation for theater in particular, although i still dont have a desire to attend any and all plays, indiscriminately (i am still pickier about those productions....i can get easily annoyed with community theater. but that is a whole other blog topic), but we will just say my mind has certainly been opened. and that is a happy thing in life so i am glad for that.

jobs and work

so i had a very interesting conversation with a good friend the other night. she is a doctor and is a single woman. and dating can be very tricky for her. we talked about how sometimes it might be nice for her to date a guy without him knowing what her job is. cuz like it or not, there are all sorts of assumptions and whatnot that go along with the dr. title, as with anything else in the world (and you wouldnt believe the stories this girl has from dates-people completely alter their boundaries of what is "normal" and "acceptable" behavior and conversation on a first date when they know you are a doctor). but the thing is, how much of who we are is our job? most of us spend more of our waking hours there than anywhere else. its a huge part of our identity. but its just a job, right? to pay the bills, to live. but all the qualities that we have, who we are is developed and shaped by that job. we have to step into different roles and do things that we maybe wouldn't normally do, because the job requires it. so then we become the person that we need to be at work-but is that now the new us? or just a part we play to excel in our profession? they say you can't compartmentalize your life and that you have to be the same person (i think mostly referring to values and integrity, so maybe it doesnt completely apply to what i am speaking of) in all settings. but i dont know if thats the case. and going back to my friend who said she would like to date without guys knowing she is a doctor; can you really get to know her without knowing that? so much of who she is, her drive, dedication, discipline, intelligence, etc, is very much tied to the fact that she is a doctor. so that is incredibly impressive and attractive. but is it attractive because our society glorifies the occupation, the title...or because she herself has worked so hard to accomplish her goals? and on a side note, i think its weird that we do spend such a huge percentage of our lives at work, with people who may be good friends, but aren't really a huge part of our lives. and that those we love and care about the most, usually never see us in our work roles, doing hopefully what it is we do best. weird.

never say never

well hello there! dear friends and family how i have missed you. k before i launch into this post, im just gonna give you a glimpse into my psyche. messed up though it may be. i have had lots of good thoughts and ideas for posts in past months. but i just couldnt bring myself to just start writing them because when it is a topic that i care about, well i think that so often i just dont think i can accurately express what i am thinking or that i wont be able to do the topic justice, so i just dont start it. i just let it be. but i am committed to this one dangit.

so there is a phrase that i have found myself thinking and using a lot lately, mostly in regards to dating. and sometimes about life in general but mostly about dating. that phrase is "never say never". and that is the title of the justin beiber biographical flick. but we will get to that. but i am really a believer in the never say never idea. i have just learned that you really truly have no idea what things might happen and how things will turn out. pretty much it is never what you expect. sometimes better, sometimes worse. and with dating, wow. you just really dont know what might work out for you. back in my younger years, i would say that i would never date/marry a guy that was younger than i was. ha. ya i think we all know how that has gone. and there are many other scenarios that i, at one time, would have expected myself to freak out about and never consider as possibilities. but now i am surprised at how ok i am about these situations. i know i am being vague, but all i am saying is that with these mindset changes, i really dont think it is a matter of getting "older" and "desperate" or lowering my standards at all. i certainly dont feel that i have done that. its a matter of realizing that sometimes the unexpected is what i need. sometimes i really dont know what is best for me. and so i have to open mind and give the unexpected a shot. and sometimes people surprise you. sometimes they dont. sometimes they are exactly what you thought they were. but you just dont know so you gotta give it a shot. and in my crazy jacked up mind this also somewhat relates to what i have learned in the past 4 years of my training/running/racing craziness. you never know what you are capable of. i put the same limitations on myself as i do on other people. but seriously peeps, you can do way way more than you think you can. years ago i swore i would never ever even attempt to run a marathon. i didnt have the desire or drive. but then that desire and drive got there. somehow. and i literally did things that i never ever imagined i was capable of. and i am not anything special, that is the thing. we have got to push ourselves, push our limits to see what we really can do. sure i succumb all the time and let my brain tell me that i am too tired or weak to push up the last bit of hill. but i think i always know deep down that i could do it if i was willing to be that uncomfortable for that long. thats what its about. not a matter of capability necessarily, but willingess to be in pain, discomfort, for longer amounts of time. in my opinion thats a huge part of what makes world class athletes. obviously, incredible talent. but a part of that talent allowing yourself to be uncomfortable for a really long time. and how does this relate to justin beiber?! well folks, i think the movie is certainly a worthwhile watch. its interesting, dare i say a bit inspiring, and well, not gonna lie, there is some fun catchy concert footage. the kid is likeable for sure. but the story is simply amazing. ya there is a lot of crap in our world and a whole lot of jack-upped ness in society today. however, i do love that we are so accessible to each other. how youtube has completely morphed everything. and that it makes things like justin beiber's story possible. and the thing i love is that watching him sing, seeing how he was just absolutely a natural musical talent from childhood, and then seeing the performances, wow, its like the kid was truly born to do exactly what he is doing. i mean seriously, you cannot deny that it is an incredibly rare kid that not only has the incredible vocal and musical talent, but the confidence and just straight up guts to perform the way he does and handle the pressure of the pretty much overnight craziness that became his life. so anywho, believe it or not, i see all these items in this post as related in a very broad sense. and it is summed up i suppose in every cliche motivational speaker-y catch phrase. but its true. you just never know what you are capable of/what can happen. so never say never. and yes, for a blog post titled "never say never" i certainly used the word never a lot. im ok with it.

zumba. are you freaking kidding me. no, no i see that you are not.

ok. sorry its been so long folks, i dont know what to tell ya. i just dont make the time to blog often. sorry. but rest assured that all kinds of fun crap has been happening and maybe ill tell you about it when youre older. ok. zumba. all i knew about zumba before tonight was that its this trendy new exercise class that is dancy/mostly salsa-y latin ish. and its supposed to be a great workout. well. peeps. i did my first class tonight. a great workout it was not. a really really good laugh it most definitely was. holy buckets. ok first off i think most zumba instructors are female. and just so you know, gayness does not necessarily a good zumba instructor make. i learned this tonight. we walked in to class, and this guy was wearing cargo pants and a leather belt, i kid you not. who works out in cargo pants and a leather belt!? and on top, a little nike sleeveless workout shirt that mostly acted as a half shirt throughout the class. especially when he raised his hands up and grabbed his head and acted all seductive. and he would not stop touching his dang bare midriff. yes folks. every cliche icky sassy sexy move that is normally attributed to less than savory female dancers-he had it going on. all of it. he began with a series of silly step outs with SHIMMIES. ooohhh so many shimmies. but not regular flavor shimmies. one arm extended, the other in ballet form shimmies. i mean, i have some dance background and im a girl. and i felt utterly ridiculous doing this move! and he looked beyond utterly ridiculous doing it. wow. but he loved it. oohhh he loved those shimmies. he took off his little microphone 2 minutes into the class. so we were left to just watching him and trying to catch on to what the crap those sassy little legs were doing beneath their cargo pant cover. and half the time it was obvious HE didnt really know what his sassy little legs were doing. homeboy did have pretty dang good rhythm and could move those hips like nobody's business....so he kinda just relied on that. and gyrating. and lest you think that i was a zumba failure, he did take the time to come sashaying through the group and gave me an encouraging little "youre doing great!". was that because i was laughing at him so he was trying to butter me up? because i looked pathetic and he thought i was laughing at myself because i was getting confused at his moves? or was it because i truly am a zumba prodigy? ill never know. but wow, i was surprised at how not shy he was about watching himself in the mirror do all his sassy moves. oh man. so ya, i am pretty sure, in speaking with others, that not all zumba classes are like this. at all. and i think it has potential to be a lot of fun. music was great, and there was a little part that we did some jive type jumpy moves that were pretty fun. we even got a little flea hopping going on. but i cannot bear the uncomfortable awkwardness i felt watching this guy up there doing that snake whatever thing over and over and shaking that booty like ive never seen. sir, im sorry, i dont like to shake it like that. it makes everything jiggle. everything. i think most girls dont like that feeling. so, im firing you, cory, as my zumba instructor. but thanks for getting me back on my blog. and giving me something to talk about besides dating. oh, and sorry peeps, still dont have a camera. but i think the mental picture is quite sufficient on this one.

lets do this

ok its about time for another post. and as much as i would love to make it non-dating centered, thats sorta been the topic of my life lately. i mean, i go along, work is great. i enjoy the things i do daily. but it just hasnt been blog worthy. except the ragnar relay i did. that would have been a great blog post. but im not in the mood to recap that right now. let us discuss my new little project. operation master matchmaker. ok, so i blogged a few months ago about the terrible "man and woman differences" fireside thingy that we had. and i feel the need to inform you all, lest you be concerned that i had sworn off relationships in general after that annoying evening, that we had another dating coach fireside thingy. but it was a bajillion times more helpful. fantastic even. she was very knowledgeable and basically just talked about simple techniques and things specific to us as singles and how to get things started or moving along with the opposite sex. she talked about the main needs of men and women in a relationship, (men: to be trusted and useful, women: to feel safe and secure.....as i recall it) and it was overall helpful. but its tricky cuz she gave specific advice, but we were all with each other. the opposite sex. and the people with whom we would most likely be conversing/dating. so it would be tricky implementing this helpful information. so my friend and i were talking about the trickiness of dating and she just mentioned that arranged dating should happen more often. and the seed was planted and i decided to actually make it happen. i posted a facebook status asking who would be up for me arranging dates for them, and a bunch of guys responded. which is interesting. ummmm.....if you want to be dating, why arent you asking girls out? i have my theories. but anywho, i got enough of a response i decided to really try it. so im in the initial stages right now of Operation Master Matchmaker. i sent out facebook invites to all my single friends and just said, if you wanna play, let me know. i will just find two peeps i think would get along, send them both a message that says "be here at this time" and let them just meet and hang out for a bit. just makes it easier i think to just get out there and go on dates and realize it doesnt need to be some huge momentous thing. you go on dates to get to know people. and very often there are people you might thoroughly enjoy hanging out with but never would have thought/had the opportunity to meet. and some peeps have said they want to know more about the person before going out. but i think i will hold strong and keep it all confidential. cuz i figure, when someone sets you up, they always tell you all these amazing things about the person and why they are the perfect match for you. so of course, you have high expectations. very high. and very often, in my experience, that can lead to dissapointment. not that these people arent great or anything, but if you go into it thinking they are your soul mate, well it can just get trickier ( i realize i use many forms of the word "tricky" as a cop-out word when i dont want to find the exact perfect word for the situation. thats how i roll. just saying, i realize this, in case any of you felt compelled to chastise me. ok i know none of you actually would. and probably didnt notice. but i felt the need to disclose that. ok, back to my explanation..) so i figure, zero expectations equals zero dissapointment, right? and at least people will be getting out and meeting and going on dates. also, some of the matches i have made in the past, well, quite honestly i thought there was no way they would work. and they totally did. so you really never do know when people will hit it off and what will could make them a really great couple. it might be a huge epic fail. but at the very least, i think some good tales could come from this. and hopefully i wont lose any friends. and some of you may be thinking "wait, if she is so focused on setting up everyone else, does that mean she is done with dating? either giving up on it....or has she found the one?!" cuz usually thats how it works, right? someone meets mr/mrs right and are so blissfully happy they want everyone else to be as happy. well, dear friends, no that is not the case. i am not giving up on dating or getting engaged or anything. i continue to meet great guys and go on dates. and i will def keep you posted on that. but in the meantime, i figure why not. why not just try this experiment and see what happens. so there you go. let the matchmaking begin. ps i broke my camera months ago. so i havent taken/posted pics. sorry. how many of you actually notice the lack of pics and want me to make more effort? if anyone responds i will attempt to do as you wish. although, my posts dont really lend themselves to photos. they are all about my thoughts and crap. but if more pics would make any of you, my faithful blogreaders, happier, i will make it happen.

messity mess mess. but not without hope.

so roommate came to visit all last week and we had some good chats about stuff as usual. and it got me thinking. and then tonight for fhe we had a little lesson dealio from a "relationship expert" about "bridging the gap" between the genders. yes, a good, well-intentioned activity. but i came away from it wondering if we dont sometimes create more gap by beating these dead horses. am i the only one that feels they have heard the "why do girls go to the bathroom in groups" question/joke a bajillion times? and heres the thing: im not that girl. i dont generally go to the bathroom unless i need to go the bathroom. i have always felt i was a little less compassionate, a little more selfish, perhaps a little heartless because of this. but i just am not a fan of silly things like that. anywho, thats a side note, but as i just sat and listened to this lady, whom i am sure has helped many a struggling couple find common ground, i couldnt help but feel that all this stuff is just too cliche and overgeneralized to be helpful really. havent we all heard this?! havent we all gotten the silly email forwards about "what guys want" and "why women do such and such" and whatnot? its not that we dont know these things. its that it takes a lot of effort to do it. just like relationships in general. and quite honestly, i really dont buy a lot of it. it was mentioned that men cant "multitask" and women can. well guess what people, i kinda sorta dont believe in multitasking at all. i am efficient, i get lots of things done, but for anyone to claim that they can listen to, process, and understand two different streams of auditory input at once is just rubbish. people, we have limited cognitive resources, and if we spread them too thin, doing too many things at once, the quality of something is going to suffer. plain and simple. you will make mistakes, you will screw things up if you really honestly do several things at once. thats a beef ive had for a long time, so there you go. now, yes, of course there are absolute differences in men and women. im certainly not saying there arent. im just thinkin that most of the strategies and "gap building" skills she was talking about are just basic, being a good person and a good communicator skills. yes, one could argue that i am of course a woman, and i am right now venting which is an ironic perfect example of what the lady was talking about tonight, that we women need to vent. and yes im a woman, which means communication is perhaps a bigger deal to me and thats why i focus on it, but i dont think its just that. i think, as my good friend confirmed to me tonight (male friend) that very often in these discussion we over-simplify men. they say they just have an "on" and an "off" switch. rubbish. guys have a lot more going on than that and i know it. i just feel that as we keep having these little "understand each other" discussions, we validate certain behaviors and make the genders feel that that is how they "should" behave because they have heard so much that that is what their gender is known for, ya know? i know we girls do crazy things. i know we are hard to understand. but guys insist they are every bit as scared of rejection and whatnot and that leads them to do crazy things, analyze behaviors, just like we girls do. like i said, im sure this lady has helped many clueless people navigate many a tricky situation, and i am not dissing her because i know she honestly wants to help us. but i sincerely want to know if im the only one that feels that we overtalk this (granted, its fun to talk about this stuff in small circles, but a lecture setting is different) and use the same examples over and over and it doesnt get us anywhere? ok now moving on, the next topic is kind of related and i think will require a completely different blog post. its one my roommate and i discussed. loving and being loved. she says that in every relationship someone loves more than the other. so would you rather be the one that loves more or is loved more? its a sucky question indeed. and im just not sure if i buy it yet. but its been interesting to ponder..... to be continued.

year to date dating update

i know what you are thinking. oy. lookin at that title. it probably gets monotonous reading about my dating life. actually, what am i saying!? because a) i dont even know who "you" is these days when i address "you" because im thinking my lack of posts in the last months could have deterred the few peeps that were reading this blog and b) my dating life is anything but monotonous, lets be honest. not because im super desired or exciting or whatever but merely because when you reach my age, you tend to encounter/go out with ALL types of folks and that makes for entertainment. anywho, i just feel like doing a recap because honestly, ive tried to post a couple of times this year and just really havent had a thing to say. and im not in the mood to psycho-analyze anything or whatever....i really just have gone out with lots of great guys and felt like documenting the experiences. so, shall we begin? well, i said "year to date" so we will just go ahead and start with new years day. i worked a bit then headed up to a yurt in the uintahs for our ward snowshoeing trip. this was my first snowshoeing experience, btw, and well, lets just say i dropped a couple hundred bucks the next week for a nice pair. i loved it that much. so i trekked in with a few other folks, we got a bit lost, but i didnt mind meandering through the forest on a nice moonlit night with cool people. so we made it in to the yurt (i know you are probly wondering what this has to do with dating. wait ...for...it...). so it ended up that me and one other guy wanted to go on a late night moonlit snowshoe adventure. so we took off up the trail. it was fantastic and gorgeous. i absolutely fell in love with winter recreation/camping because everything just looks and feels so different. everything is still and peaceful and its just incredible. so that was fantastic. and yes, i definitely noticed that this guy was sooo much fun. but i thought, "he is so young (23), so whatever." sorta dismissed it. in the meantime, there were a bunch of blind dates that had been sort of accumulating (friends that said "oh i want you to go out with this guy. can i give him your number?"). so, names and times get sorta fuzzy here, but we will just say that I have eaten at the Thai place by my house with 4 different guys. (hey, if they ask where I wanna eat, its just simple and close and yummy, ok?) and i began to feel like a blind dating machine. i definately dont hate blind dates. i appreciate my friends and their desire for me to be happy. but it just gets a little old. all of them were great guys, not a single jerk in the bunch. but in comparison to the other dates that were happening at the same time, well it just made it hard to really consider them. and the funny thing is....the ones that i thought for sure would call...didnt. and the ones i wrote off have actually pursued. so ive come to the conclusion that with all my years of experience and wisdom ..i am worse than i ever have been at determining levels of interest and accurately perceiving guys' level of fun/enjoyment/interest on a date with me. anywho, so back to the "other dates" that were distracting me from enjoying the blind dates. so im gonna have to say that one of my favorites was the christmas tree burning. so, snowshoe boy, yes he asked me out the week after that yurt trip. and i was surprised but stoked cuz he seemed great. we went to dinner (at THE thai place, but it was funny because he picked that with no input from me. ironic) and a wedding reception which was a funny first date. but we already had plans to go snowshoeing the next morning (everyone else that was supposed to go flaked out so we decided it was a date) so it was sorta a marathon first date. (oohh that just made me wonder if anyone has ever done an actual marathon for a first date. huh. ya thats a bit much for even me. a 5k, perhaps.) so our morning snowshoeing excursion....well ill just say im blown away that he asked me out again after that because, well i had no makeup on, and when i exercise at all my nose gets way runny and i was just slipping and falling and snotting all over the place and being ridiculous, and wow. ya. defintely not my typical "date natalie" polite boring behavior. (for those of you that dont know about "date natalie...its my lame version of me. that usually comes out on dates, particularly first dates. and uuuusually mostly when i actually am interested. not always though. ps i am fairly certain that none of the these guys read this blog, but if you are, well, i just needed to document these months of my life. hope you dont mind. :) anywho, i think christmas tree burning came next. yes indeed. we had talked about the amazing smell of pine and how id never burned a christmas tree. so somehow we ended up on a freezing cold dark, very foggy night tromping around some frozen lake in bountiful finding the spot for christmas tree burning. we climbed through barbed wire, through snowy muddy fields, down a path, through some trees, over a frozen river (yes of course as i carefully descended down one side of the riverbank i absolutely slipped, flew up and yes, down right onto my bum. he just chuckled and came and helped me up. i had already had so many embarassing moments with this guy that i just didnt care at all anymore. which was nice. i should always do ridiculously awkward things at the beginnings of dates or whatever so i can just get it over with and not care. ) and we eventually found the designated "christmas tree burning spot" in the middle of a marsh that had become significantly marshier since snowshoe boy had last been there. but we forged ahead, used a whole box of matches and magically, on the last match, he got it to catch fire a bit and we savored that moment. it was pretty awesome for anyone who has never done it. anywho, time moved on, yada yada, we hung out, did stuff, insert random other dates and blind dates in here. alas, things didnt work out with snowshoe boy. im tired of blogging and its been so long since i posted so theres really no point to this other than to post. and not forget what ive done since i lived in SLC. so there you go. the end.